i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
