after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
