how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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