My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
