went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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