i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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