if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
