He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
