Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
