Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Drunk is a universal language darling
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
