it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
