i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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