I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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