Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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