Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
a search helicopter?!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
