last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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