Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Drake has all the answers
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
