I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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