She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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