no you cant smoke seaweed
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
