If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
