the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She needs sedatives and a leash
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
