what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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