just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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