You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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