I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
