She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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