5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
