I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
