How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
