this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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