During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
