i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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