walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We're using joints as your birthday candles
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
