I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
