Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
