please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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