My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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