He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
