Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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