so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
