you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
