Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
