Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
