Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
