but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Mom said you looked used
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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