I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
