Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
someone threw a dead crab at me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He has the fingertips of a God
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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