ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
