So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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