when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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